Took parents to Juniper in Cotham last week for the father's birthday. He was paying as usual so perhaps not the best birthday present...The parents had heard about the place from a Bristolian acquaintance they had made on a cruise so we were expecting great things...
Juniper is quite a small and very purple place, I imagine Prince (or is it 'Squiggle'?) would feel at home. Purple tablecloths, purple walls, purple carpet and canvasses that had been painted purple to match. A pet hate of mine, these 'makeshift paintings'. Probably the most dull wall dwellers in the history of decor. What happened to interesting photos and proper paintings? Most restaurants I've been to lately appear to have featured in 'Changing rooms', or perhaps, unbeknown to me Linda Barker has relocated to the South West?
The menu wasn't purple and was quite exciting. It was topped by a suggestion of a speciality G & T or a champagne cocktail with peach liqueur and elderflower. We declined these however and perused the food whilst munching on 3 different versions of tasty slices with really good butter. Then we waited,and we perused some more. The waitress came and poured a beer over my mother. I went to the loo, which was a hike up a vertical cliff face of purple stairs. The loos were noteworthy for being the only 'ladies' I have come across to offer large baskets of assorted, foreign, sanitary items in each cubicle as well as deodorant by the sinks. Wasn't sure what to make of this. The mother is always one to comment on loos, in fact seems to visit establishments purely to 'spend a penny' and then report back- the source of much humiliation in my teenage years. She should write a blog. Unfortunately, as she walks with a stick she was unable to scale the purple Everest so I was deprived of her verdict.
Back to the table and to the menu. Finally the waitress arrived, we cowered, no drink was thrown. I chose the 'Wild mushrooms , pan fried with rosemary, madeira, cream, served on a toasted brioche with crispy three cheese croquette and beetroot syrup.' What a mouthful. And it was. Probably the largest starter I have ever tackled; delicious aromatic, peppery sauce but it could have been a veggie main and I had to abandon tradition and leave some on the plate! G had the oak smoked salmon with crayfish, crab and prawns, 'ooh look it's one of those 2 spoons things they do on Masterchef'. 'A quenelle?' I proferred haughtily. The father was presented with 'herb crusted sea bass, pea custard and caper hollandaise'. This was a Jackson Pollock of a plate with smudges and splashes of colourful goo. I took one look and was convinced the Father wouldn't approve. Shows what I know as he ruminated thoughtfully and then proclaimed it to be 'very nice'. ( in other words a mighty 4 stars in 'The father guide'. The mother had 'baked goats cheese with tomato and red onion chutney, char grilled artichoke, herb salad and balsamic caramel. I think she liked it but I was too busy dealing with my mushroom- induced food coma to pay attention.
Mains next. I had the chicken stuffed with cream cheese and chorizo with succotash, potatoes dauphinoise and a light tarragon jus . I ploughed sadly in, like a trooper on a food mission, still stuffed from the mushrooms and miserably waving goodbye to any ideas I'd had about the trio of chocolate with sour cherry compote for pudding. 'Succotash' in case you're wondering, as I was, appears to be undercooked chunks of sweet potato with sweetcorn, in a tin of chopped toms with a kilo of smoked paprika thrown in for good measure. It conjured up memories of the University 'stew' I used to make and was wholly horrible.The chicken was huge, tasty but huge.
The mother was rewarded with a respectful, raised eyebrow for her demolition of her Rib eye Somerset beef with smokey tomato, red pepper and roquefort stuffing, baby onions, chips and cabernet jus. The father had the same, although his was a whacking great slab of beef. Are we in America? For such a small place the food was super-sized. G had the welsh lamb with thyme flower honey and lamb reduction. He liked it so much he offered to let me sample it (rare, very rare- not the meat, G sharing food) I had to decline (damn those mushrooms.)
None of us could manage puddings, which was disappointing as there was a 'warm spiced orange sponge with white, chocolate and orange custard and vanilla bean ice-cream' and a plate of welsh cheeses with fresh pineapple and wild mushroom preserve on offer, (though I'd quite happily not meet with a mushroom for a while after the epic starter.)
We plumped for coffee back at the parent's hotel, due to the lack of accessible loos. Expected the bill to be reasonable with starters at around the £7 mark, mains between £13.95 and £18.95, little to drink and no pudds, but we were charged a hefty £3.50 a bottle of water, £3.50 for a small bottle of San Miguel (the father nearly fell off his chair) and a 10% service charge.
My verdict: Good food for purple favouring, able-bodied people with a large appetite and wallet. Or just dine out on the mushroom starter.
http://www.juniperrestaurant.co.uk/
Juniper 21 Cotham Road South, Cotham, Bristol
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